Free Desperate Marriages: Moving Toward Hope And Healing In Your Relationship Ebooks Online
When you said, “I do,” you entered marriage with high hopes, dreaming it would be supremely happy. You never intended it to be miserable.Millions of couples are struggling in desperate marriages. But the story doesn’t have to end there. Dr. Gary Chapman writes, “I believe that in every troubled marriage, one or both partners can take positive steps that have the potential for changing the emotional climate in their marriage.”Desperate Marriages, the revised and updated edition of the award-winning Loving Solutions, teaches you how to:Recognize and reject the myths that hold you captiveBetter understand your spouse’s behaviorTake responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, and actionsMake choices that can have a lasting, positive impact on you and your spouseAn experienced marriage and family counselor, Gary Chapman speaks to those whose spouse is:IrresponsibleA workaholicControllingUncommunicativeVerbally abusivePhysically abusiveSexually abusiveUnfaithfulAddicted to alcohol or drugsDepressedMarriage has the same potential to be miserable as it does to be blissful. Read Desperate Marriage to learn how you can turn things around.
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Northfield Publishing; 1 edition (April 1, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0802475523
ISBN-13: 978-0802475527
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 13.3 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars See all reviews (84 customer reviews)
Best Sellers Rank: #110,434 in Books (See Top 100 in Books) #152 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Ministry & Evangelism > Counseling & Recovery #522 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Christian Living > Marriage #738 in Books > Parenting & Relationships > Marriage & Adult Relationships
Dr. Gary Chapman is one of the leading Christian teachers on marriage. His book---The Five Love Languages---has sold millions of copies. Having read that book, you can tell that he has a heart for people. That’s why this book doesn’t sound like it was written by Dr. Chapman. Certain parts come across as so cold and detached that you are left cringing in horror.Throughout this book, Dr. Chapman’s years of experience in counseling come through----he gives plenty of advice that is above average compared to many of the other best-selling Christian marriage books. Some of the best advice that Dr. Chapman gives is in these two chapters:Chapter 5-----The Workaholic Spouse(Pages 77-78) “Many workaholics suffer from a deep sense of inferiority and also feel unloved. The message they received from their parents was that----we love you----if you make your bed, clean your room, mow the grass, (etc).”Chapter 12---The Alcoholic/Drug-Abusing Spouse(Page 195) “The most common mistake of an individual married to a substance abuser is to hope that the situation will simply take care of itself, that the abuser will wake up some morning and decide to stop her addictive behavior….Let the abuser experience the results of his or her own abuse. The sooner the abuser comes to the end of the rope, the sooner he will reach out for help.”That is really good advice that could be applied to a variety of difficult marriages. By setting boundaries and allowing them to experience the consequences of their behavior, you are responding with the same tough love that God gives us.Dr. Chapman also describes on page 45 how important it is for you and your spouse to be “free to express your feelings, thoughts, and desires.
Desperate Marriages:Moving Toward Hope and Healing in Your RelationshipbyGary ChapmanReview byAnthony J. Centore Ph.D.* * *After Gary Chapman wrote the International Best Seller The Five Love Languages, myriad of spinoffs were published: The Five Love Languages of Children, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, The Five Love Languages for Singles, The Heart of the Five Love Languages, The Five Languages of Apology, and The Love Languages of God; not to mention what appears to be several updated revisions of the aforementioned.Rest assured, this book barely mentions the five love languages--keeping it to a minimum of just two pages in the first chapter, two pages in the back. Done. Finished. Life moves on. Finally.In Desperate Marriages, Chapman promotes a philosophy he refers to as "Reality Living," of which there are six rules: (1) I am responsible for my attitude, (2) My attitude affects my actions, (3) I cannot change others, but I can influence others, (4) My emotions do NOT control my actions, (5) Admitting my imperfections does not mean I am a failure, (6) Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.Basic Impressions:This book is well put together. It is quality material. The reader with real marital problems and needing real information will get real information. For instance, the book speaks about divorce in chapter one--a smart move, for this is certainly on the mind of someone who is in a desperate marriage. Chapman states, "while divorce removes some pressures, it creates a host of others." Moreover, the book contains some good psychology (which any counselor reader will recognize as being of the CBT persuasion), and Chapman aptly references William Glasser (i.e.
If you've read Chapman before, you're probably aware of his concept of "love languages." In a nutshell, the idea is that everyone has one or more ways that they most need to "experience" being loved. These languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Giving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Chapman believes that if we challenge ourselves to love our spouses using THEIR love language -- and they do the same for us -- marital harmony will result.In Desperate Marriages, Chapman walks couples through applying these concepts to the most difficult of situations: marriages in crisis. In these situations, it's not quite as simple as just using the right love language. Usually, one or more myths stand in the way of the love language exchange.He identifies four "myths" which he believes will make it impossible to save a desperate marriage:1. My environment determines my state of mind.2. People can't change.3. In a desperate marriage, I have only two options -- either resigning myself to a life of misery, or getting out.4. My situation is hopeless.But then he counters by offering six "realities," or principles, which bust those myths and can lead to marriage-transforming change. He calls the application of these principles "Reality Living." They are as follows:1. I am responsible for my own attitude.2. My attitude affects my actions.3. I cannot CHANGE others, but I can INFLUENCE others.4. My emotions do not control my actions.5. Admitting my imperfections does not mean that I am a failure.6. Love is the most powerful weapon for good in the world.Chapman uses conceptual these tools of myths, realities and love languages to show how to repair a variety of desperate marriages.
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